side ponytaaaail

Sonnet to the side ponytail.
by mememarie.

When you first think about side ponytails,
the image might not be so flattering.
With perms and leggings, see, it fails
to show its full potential, shuddering.
The little girls who rocked it in our youth
are growing up and claiming our old trend.
Sans scrunchie, god, but still, to tell the truth,
we love it just as much as we did then.
Paired with a suit it really can look nice--
side ponytails are fun and flirty, too.
Please realize with me that it will suffice
at home, at work, at play, when out, please do!
I must confess, though, when it's seen on me,
I'm in it for the kitsch and irony.

11 days

...and I am doing splendidly, after some facebook-stalking that I expected would be upsetting! haha. (Although, to be honest, that's probably due more to one detail in the stalking than the stalking in general...)

Bored bored bored. Not having anything to do during the day sucks balls. I can only read or watch bad tv for so long.

L-town next week. It'll be good to see everyone. But I don't expect my daytimes will be much more stimulating than they are at the moment...

*shrug.*

This was my problem for a lot of last summer; just nothing to do (during the day). Which just makes for a cycle of lethargy and laziness. Back to school in a week and a half! :)

so he said, would it be all right if we just sat and talked for a little while,
if in exchange for your time, i give you this smile?
and she said, that's okay, as long as you can make a promise not to break my little heart
and leave me all alone in the summer

the latest incarnation of "the plan."

No more MSU for me. They don't have a severe special ed program, and my classroom can in no way, shape, or form be squinted at enough to look like mild/moderate. Actually, it turns out that nobody offers a SDD (severe developmental disorders) masters or certification. Something about how districts will hire ya for an SDD position with a mild/moderate certificate. I guess having a teaching position prior to certification is kind of unusual, lolll. (I don't have a teaching position yet--that'll be sometime around December 12, when a teacher is due to squeeze one out.) But, yeah. I was telling my principal that I was kind of stuck and she suggested a new option. I am going to pursue Applied Behavior Analysis certification. ABA is the underlying methodology of our entire autism program. That certification would be more valuable to me in working with autism (here or wherever the wind blows me) than a token teaching certificate that doesn't really help with my group of kids. So, yup yup. I'm gonna take the fall semester off (um, although I haven't thought about insurance-type stuff yet...shit), just so I can focus on training for and then starting my new position, and hopefully start classes in the spring.

Also, I "decided" yesterday that once I finish whatever post-baccalaureate coursework I'm gonna do, I will buy myself a car as a reward/because I will then have money freed up from not paying tuition. LOL. I love my car, she's served me well, I've always planned to use it until it dies, but I rode with another teacher yesterday to a field trip and her car's just so damn FANCY. hahahaha. I want a Camry hybrid...do they still make those? Maybe by that point, years from now, they'll be marketing plug-in hybrids. mmmm.

In other news, it's my two-week break, hooray!!! Much sleeping in and laying out is in my immediate future. Um, and studying for my psych final...heh. And then headin' north, yay!

7-23

So all day at work when I was recording the date (which I do a lot lol), I kept thinking, 7-23, 7-23, why does this date sound so familiar? I was like, is it somebody's birthday? What am I forgetting? Then I got it. It was just because 7-23 last year was such a huge day in my memory, a day for which I'd been gearing up for months. It started out simply enough, hanging out with my best girl Carly, but then I saw the Hush Sound with a couple of my favorite people and it was such a lovely evening. Definitely my best concert experience. And then schmoozing with the bands afterward: "Zac" approaching me, Bob hitting [on] Caitlin, me drooling over Greta's hair.

And then I went home and.........[previous post in mind].........did not sleep a wink before departing for Colorado the next morning.

loving your illusion, staring at a crooked ground
you always let me down

Good night to 7-23. This makes it seventeen days.

Oh yeah, and after that post yesterday, let me tell you, I had one HELL of a dream last night, hahaha...

countdown

(I set this deadline for myself a couple weeks ago, but haven't written it down anywhere until now; maybe this'll keep me honest, heh.)

So I have 18 days left to purge myself of a lot of bitterness.

What happened to me wasn't that bad. It's not anyone's fault* that it occurred on the tail end of a major depressive episode [and probably prolonged it]. I don't have the right to be so bitter toward a person when it was my own brain-chemical imbalances that were causing the bulk of the pain.

But, hooray! 18 days until I can listen to the hush sound, to panic at the disco, to MY FAVORITE MUSIC, without longing for what never could have been. 18 days until remembering the best experience of my high school years (MSA) doesn't make me cranky. 18 days until Batman Whatever-the-Joker-movie-is-called doesn't piss me off. 18 days until I no longer just kind of glare whenever I hear the name "West Plains."

18 days until I can read the chunk asterisked above without a bunch of bitter, snide remarks running through my head...

The whole "trusting men ever again" thing will take longer, because that wasn't his sole doing. But maybe this is a step down that road? I mean, not that that's even a road I WANT to go down, ever, necessarily...

*gesture*

Listening to Spice Girls on the way home tonight I realized what had started a year ago tonight. I was halfway-composing an emo blog, but you know, I am not feeling emo. I am feeling energized and well-rested and in love with life. So fuck that. ha!

Remind me sometime later to write a post about my failure as an environmentalist.

Thinking about joining my church here in Springfield. As far as FBC-Sf vs. LMBC goes, sure, it would make more sense to be a member of FBC now that I'm here for a good long while. But what's holding me back is...I mean...I just don't believe some of the whole Baptist doctrine. The whole Christianity doctrine. I love church. I love being involved and helping people and the superficial kind of stuff. But I 100% do not believe John 14:6, the whole no one comes to the Father except through Jesus thing. And probably to join a church I'd have to agree to some sort of basic doctrine, and that would be on it. And I can't lie to join a church, for goodness' sake. So I would be joining for the wrong reasons, I guess? I want to join because it's weird for me to be so involved and not even be a member, mostly. So that I can be a better part of the community. Not for any God-type reasons at all...

I mean, look at my facebook page. My religious beliefs are not "love God, love people" (the essence of Christianity, I would say). My religious beliefs are "love your neighbor as yourself."

Don't get me wrong, I believe in God, and I love Him (It? Her?). But I just don't see how that's anywhere near as relevant, as important, as necessary, as doing everything you can to end suffering here in the terrestrial realm.

In conclusion...I have no motivation to remain a member at my home church. But I don't think I can honestly join a church with my current belief set.

Perspective

The concept of gaining "perspective" has been on my mind for over a year now. A couple of current examples:

Friday at work I screamed like a girl when I saw a centipede scurry across the carpet in the classroom...yet I am no longer fazed by nasty, nasty diapers (NB: this is aided by how I discovered where we keep latex gloves, hahaha).

It's tempting for me to feel put-upon for all of a sudden having to teach music class at VBS...yet the reason I am doing so is because the supposed-to-be teacher's 42-year-old nephew died from a rare genetic somethin' that killed his sister two years ago.

Sorry for the lack of bloggage. It's really just work and my class and hangin' out with my girls. :)