Drama Queen Drive Home

a playlist. (and honestly I was more in the mood for it for my drive a couple weeks ago than I am now, I just hadn't quite finished it yet...)

1. "Homecoming," Hey Monday
I'm coming home, I wanna know, when all the leaves begin to fall, if I'm falling, falling apart for you

2. "You and I," Lady GaGa
It's been a long time since I came around, been a long time but I'm back in town, this time I'm not leaving without you

3. "...Baby One More Time," Britney Spears
my loneliness is killing me

4. "The Story of Us," Taylor Swift

I used to think that one day we'd tell the story of us, how we met and the sparks flew instantly

5. "I Cant Do it Alone," 3OH!3

'cause god damn it, I can't do it alone

6. "Kansas City," Sneaky Sound System
somebody in Kansas City loves me

7. "Rolling in the Deep," Adele
I can't help feeling we could have had it all

8. "Molasses," The Hush Sound

you say there's something better, but tonight you know you'll never find it

9. "The One that Got Away," Katy Perry

in another life, I could be your girl, we'd keep all our promises, be us against the world

10. "Super Bass," Nicki Minaj
excuse me, you're a hell of a guy*

11. "Take My Hand," The Cab ft. Cassadee from Hey Monday
this is ending, but we will get through eventually

12. "Over Thinking," Relient K
one more guy/girl cliche, I know now you're just in the way of me and my dream come true

13. "Cold Shoulders," Gold Motel

some things end without trying, we turn away without warning

14. "Littlest Things," Lily Allen
sometimes I wish we could just pretend, if only for one weekend

15. "Breakfast at Tiffany's," Deep Blue Something

it's plain to see we're over, and I hate when things are over when so much is left undone

16. "Inside Out," Britney Spears
even if we couldn't last forever, baby, you know what I want right now.

17. "Goodbye to You," Michelle Branch
I want you, but I'm not giving in this time.

*This song might seem a little out of place, but that lyric played over and over and over in my head during the 3-hour breakup conversation.

littlest things

in a weird place still, today. over the moon for [x]. I found myself trying to list reasons I should marry him, reasons we should be together long-term. the little things.

our chemistry was incredible. he doesn't drink. he's fine not having pets. he knows how to do/fix just about everything around the house, with a car, with a computer. he lives frugally. he understood the TS side of me, the side I hate to let anyone see. we had amazing rapport, and our senses of humor matched pretty well. his IQ was near mine, lol.

soooo many "pros!" how is that not enough? I guess all that shows we're compatible, and he'd be useful to keep around, but none of those things are "forever"-strength glue. things like shared beliefs, or shared dreams of the future. :\ the list above would last us a while, but without the backbone of dreams and beliefs, there'd be an endpoint. it would be finite.

Mom says now I know what to look for, and the right person will have all those pros plus the other things I need. but, every detail? the no booze, no pets? the disability? seems like a tall order.

note: from my journal, the day last week I couldn't write a sonnet. I don't know if I'm sad for realz or if I'm just mopey because I was mopey over t-giving last year and I tend to retrace my steps. 2 months out. I don't feel like I think about him a lot lot...well...relatively...