Strange night

So I go to the mall with A, L, and R. Get some sweet deals at Old Navy, some sweet shoes at Payless. Wander wander wander wander, DOUBLE TAKE. I stop in the middle of a story, jaw dropped, and gape at a kiosk. With an expression of "shock, disgust, and a little bit of fear," I realize that the salesguy at said kiosk is a guy I've, um, met at a club. Met romantically. On multiple occasions. And he sees me, with that bizarre expression on my face. hahaha.

Then the four of us pile into the car and head home, with a "anyone need to go anywhere else?" "nah" conversation. However, the route takes us past a sex store, and we decide a detour is in order. (Keep in mind that A and L and I are female, and R is L's boyfriend). We spend a good twenty minutes comparing vibrators, laughing at pornographic interpretations of movies such as Wayne's World and Pirates of the Caribbean, and being a little horrified by the photos on the back of the DVD cases. (I do think the Wayne's World one would be hilarious!!! ;) ) We contemplate such novelties as a masturbating Obama action figure, camo condoms ("don't let them see you coming"), and crotchless fishnets.

Back to the car, only to decide that booze is required. This leads to a fail of a walmart run, and then a more successful liquor store visit. I, however, do not purchase anything, and then the others drop me off at home, pour their booze into plastic bottles, and head out.

And now I'm going to go to bed before too long. Might shave my legs beforehand. Anticlimactic much?

...my life is both hilarious and awesome. :)

Shock

My stomach's twisting up, I'm hyperventilating, I'm on the verge of a panic attack for something that does not affect my life in the slightest.

But, God. I tend to remove myself from the past completely. It's been long enough since I've been involved with a guy that I've slipped back into my nothing-ever-really-happened frame of mind. I barely remember anything. Anyone. Because none of it is worth holding onto...

It's not that I regret it all. I'm fine with who I am. I don't feel burdened with a need to confess unspeakable sins. I'm so relieved to finally be me instead of the repressed, naive shell of a person I used to be. I'm at peace with my identity...I just lose the details over time.

But, God, I'm shaken up.

and to think that could've been me.

Plus...to think...ugh. Despite everything, he was always really nice to me...

self-evident

oh my gah it's OCTOBER.