i know

i've been an awful friend lately. okay? i know. and it's really too late for me to do anything about how i behaved for the last month; it's in the past, you know? i'm sorry, if that's worth anything, which i doubt it is. i got carried away.

i've never had a lot of friends, i don't know much about the mechanics of friendship,

but i know that i, and my friends, have tendencies of repressing annoyances and more significant complaints, and that this works in the short term but just ends up with a lot of resentment that explodes out of NOWHERE all of a sudden.

i'd prefer honesty than to be tricked into suddenly becoming the villain in a carefree exchange of text-messaging or by giving the same advice you'd give me. even if it hurts at first, at least i would know WHY.

i don't want to hurt you, okay? that is my number one priority. i am in love with you girls, nothing means more to me than these friendships. but if i don't know what it is i'm doing that hurts you, i can't change, and the pent-up resentment hurts us both.

reasons have always been important to me. i love to know why things happen. i hate surprises.

please tell me why. (bsb or not, your choice).

and this goes out to -all- my girlfriends.