august ftw

What day is it? last forty minutes of the sixth. three days. I thought I was going to be fine, fine, fine, but then last night as I lay awake shivering I couldn't stop the flashbacks. I wish...I don't wish for that, that never would have worked, but I wish for the hope and optimism and puppy love and trust that I had then? Because all that was lovely.

and what it all comes down to
is that everything's gonna be fine, fine, fine

My baby girl turns nine tomorrow. She's one of my best friends...yet I've talked to her maybe three times since last summer. She knew EVERYTHING G-rated about my life, and a decent amount of the PG-rated, haha. Nine. Third grade. I remember her as the shy three-year-old; the defiant four-year-old; the lazy five-year-old; the curious six-year-old; the sassy seven-year-old...God, she's growing up. I realized that I love kids because of her; I'd never babysat prior to her, and thought I didn't like kids. I learned how to deal with kids on her (ie, boundaries, boundaries, boundaries!). I had the joy of helping someone develop a love for reading. I experienced the bewilderment of her grieving for some obscure relative she'd never known. I basically got to practice being a mother, heh. Beyond that, we had battles of wills, we cuddled and napped together, we argued over who loved Zac Efron more, we had lazy days of watching cartoons and eating junk food, we went on all sorts of adventures throughout the city, we teased each other about boys.




Happy birthday, Squirt. You growing up may make me cheesily reflective, but more importantly, it gives you that much more opportunity to kick a lot of ass. Love you forever.