Note to self:

Because long-distance whatever is rough enough in the first place, please DO NOT try to START something long-distance. Sweetie, you've tried it before, even. Learn a freakin' lesson!

"remember, remember..."

I am snuggling in warm sweats fresh out of the dryer. I am spending the weekend with Caitlin in St. Louis! And then I have a week of break! And then, after that break, I will be a TEACHER!

Life is good. :)

Strange night

So I go to the mall with A, L, and R. Get some sweet deals at Old Navy, some sweet shoes at Payless. Wander wander wander wander, DOUBLE TAKE. I stop in the middle of a story, jaw dropped, and gape at a kiosk. With an expression of "shock, disgust, and a little bit of fear," I realize that the salesguy at said kiosk is a guy I've, um, met at a club. Met romantically. On multiple occasions. And he sees me, with that bizarre expression on my face. hahaha.

Then the four of us pile into the car and head home, with a "anyone need to go anywhere else?" "nah" conversation. However, the route takes us past a sex store, and we decide a detour is in order. (Keep in mind that A and L and I are female, and R is L's boyfriend). We spend a good twenty minutes comparing vibrators, laughing at pornographic interpretations of movies such as Wayne's World and Pirates of the Caribbean, and being a little horrified by the photos on the back of the DVD cases. (I do think the Wayne's World one would be hilarious!!! ;) ) We contemplate such novelties as a masturbating Obama action figure, camo condoms ("don't let them see you coming"), and crotchless fishnets.

Back to the car, only to decide that booze is required. This leads to a fail of a walmart run, and then a more successful liquor store visit. I, however, do not purchase anything, and then the others drop me off at home, pour their booze into plastic bottles, and head out.

And now I'm going to go to bed before too long. Might shave my legs beforehand. Anticlimactic much?

...my life is both hilarious and awesome. :)

Shock

My stomach's twisting up, I'm hyperventilating, I'm on the verge of a panic attack for something that does not affect my life in the slightest.

But, God. I tend to remove myself from the past completely. It's been long enough since I've been involved with a guy that I've slipped back into my nothing-ever-really-happened frame of mind. I barely remember anything. Anyone. Because none of it is worth holding onto...

It's not that I regret it all. I'm fine with who I am. I don't feel burdened with a need to confess unspeakable sins. I'm so relieved to finally be me instead of the repressed, naive shell of a person I used to be. I'm at peace with my identity...I just lose the details over time.

But, God, I'm shaken up.

and to think that could've been me.

Plus...to think...ugh. Despite everything, he was always really nice to me...

self-evident

oh my gah it's OCTOBER.

Keeping track

So I read in the L-town paper while I was around last week that the senior class has two National Merit semifinalists (it's too early in the year for finalists). My reaction was, wait a minute. Their class has probably 200 more people in it than ours did, and we had five--shouldn't they have more than two, statistically speaking? That got me thinking about my four peers:

-One I had seen three days before
-I had seen another's sister-in-law that day
-One lives in the same town as me now, and I've seen her roommate occasionally in the last few months?
-And the other, with whom I was actually friends, I haven't seen or had any weird connection with, but his brother got married the following day, if that counts at all.

I just thought it was kinda weird that I actually had present-day connections with those people, still. haha. I mean, I had classes with them here and there in high school, of course, but I was only really friends with the one.

And in other news, I think Jonesie made out with me last night. What?

livin' la vida loca

Started in the new building this week. (We moved our entire autism program down the street.) Oh my gah, things are crazy. It's a lot easier to spread staff really thin in the larger environment. Like, this afternoon, for example...there are five of us who work with our eight kids. One person had run back to the old building for an errand. One person was on one-on-one potty duty with a student (we're trying to get him potty-trained; he's sitting on the potty ALL DAY). One person was setting up snack. That left two of us with the kids playing with shaving cream/cleaning that up/taking everyone potty before snack. So I took two kids and got them cleaned up and pottied and went to drop them off at snack, but the person wasn't finished setting it up yet, so I had to stay with them. Which left one person alone with four kids and a big shaving cream mess. eek! (And this craziness was with one child taking a nap!)

I'm so excited for my teaching position. I know this is what I want to do. My job is more important to me now than getting certified is...which screws me over if I ever want to work anywhere else, but I don't see what else I can do. This job is everything I never knew I always wanted. heh.

Had a really great week in L-town last week. Probably my last chance to just chill there for quite some time, what with training and then, well, teaching. Jonesie (my darling rat) loves my parents, which is hilar, between my dad being a rat-murderer and my mom not liking animals. I subbed some and was that much more grateful for my real job (middle-schoolers are annoying). I chilled with B, and I got to go to the Fall Festival parade for the first time in...six years? Spent some time with my brother (hadn't seen him since June!), and briefly saw my Carly (see previous post lol). Saw a couple preciously adorable baby cousins*--who love me!--and a few miscellaneous extended family members.

Read Love in the Time of Cholera. I found it extremely disappointing, for as much as I love One Hundred Years of Solitude. Oh well. Next (not counting keeping up with my New Yorkers) I'm reading My Life in Pictures by Temple Grandin, who has autism. sweet.

*One example of their supreme cute-itude: while I was praising Rachel, who's three and a half and was sitting across the room, for putting shapes in the shape sorter ("good job, Rachel!"), her baby sister Abigail, eighteen months, who was climbing on me, put her hands on her hips, stuck out her lip, and scolded me, "Ah-bi-gail" (thinking I'd called her her sister's name). LMAO