A few things.

1. It strikes me that it was possibly a Poor Choice to begin to listen to the Hush Sound again (first time in months and months) at the same time as I'm weaning myself off antidepressants. LOL

2. I met a new student today! I have him after school for an hour a couple times a week, and when there is an opening in my class he will move to that spot (probably Julyish). We had an amazing first session! He cried one time, when--wait for it--HE WAS LEAVING! ^_^

3. It's really cold in my room right now. Tomorrow's supposed to be really cold. Wtf I thought it was spring!

4. So I'm leaving for KC immediately after school tomorrow, and I just realized that I haven't packed at all. I haven't been there since Christmas :-x and I have a lot of junk to get rid of, hehe (namely heavy coats, stuff I want my mom to mend, etc).

5. Catherine Zeta-Jones might be the most beautiful person alive.

Keeping track

So I read in the L-town paper while I was around last week that the senior class has two National Merit semifinalists (it's too early in the year for finalists). My reaction was, wait a minute. Their class has probably 200 more people in it than ours did, and we had five--shouldn't they have more than two, statistically speaking? That got me thinking about my four peers:

-One I had seen three days before
-I had seen another's sister-in-law that day
-One lives in the same town as me now, and I've seen her roommate occasionally in the last few months?
-And the other, with whom I was actually friends, I haven't seen or had any weird connection with, but his brother got married the following day, if that counts at all.

I just thought it was kinda weird that I actually had present-day connections with those people, still. haha. I mean, I had classes with them here and there in high school, of course, but I was only really friends with the one.

And in other news, I think Jonesie made out with me last night. What?

i don't get marriage.

what's so special about a relationship that happens to involve sex that two people get to commit to love each other for the rest of their lives? why is it okay for friendships to slowly fade across distance but it's the end of the world when it's romance? what i mean to say is, i care more strongly about my girlfriends than i can EVER really imagine caring about some dumbass guy. why isn't there a way to commit to love each other forever, to perform the necessary maintenance on the relationship, to be heartbroken when we're apart...? i mean, yeah, it's a lot more logistically difficult when you think of more than just two people, obviously five people have to go their separate ways i guess, but...idk. i'd rather be married to caitlin lindsey ashley latesa, in the sense of commitment and love and putting effort into the relationships and cohabitation, and just use guys for physical needs without getting emotionally attached.

Can you read my mind?

I don't know. I feel like I should have something to say. I am not sure that I actually do.

I've been living the last couple weeks thinking (on an obviously subconscious level) that it was actually the end of the summer, like, as far as my relationships and interactions with friends and family go. I know that doesn't make any sense. But whenever someone would mention some time point of reference I would catch myself thinking it was August...despite, yes, obviously it's ridiculously cold out. I never said this was a logical situation.

I have an awful memory. I always have. But on top of that, my mind is overactive when it comes to forgetting the negative...I can't tell if it's suppression or repression, but, I know I hardcore do it. My general rule for my basic bad memory is that I have about a year's worth of long-term memory, and after a year passes I only have vague recollections of certain anecdotes, rather than remembering my life as a whole. But that's not true right now; I remember NOTHING of the Spring 2008 semester. I...yeah. One day stands out (as living in infamy? perhaps. lol) but the semester as a whole...I'm like, what, I didn't live with Ashley? I took yoga??? I took a Spanish class, didn't I, maybe? I...whatever I did? It's really unnerving. Oh, but then, I just bought some lotion that I last used last winter and the smell of it is bringing up, just, a sense for my room last year, my roommates last year, stuff I don't remember at all.

*shrug.*

Another thing I've been thinking about a lot lately is the concept of "home." I am not so sure I have a home right now. I don't say this to be emo, I just, lol I don't know if you know this about me but I think a lot. My parents' house ceased to be my home last summer. *shudder.* And here? These girls are just as much my family, but, it's hard to use a word like "home" when I'm only gonna be here a couple months...
Home is raiding the refrigerator and playing board games with Caitlin, Bethany, and Danny in the middle of the night.
Home is swinging with any of my girls when we're blue, sometimes even in January.
Home is falling asleep on the couch Latesa's bed with Ashley and Lindsey.
Home is making funny noises, funny faces, singing randomly, and not only not-being-judged, but being joined.
Home is a backrub, holding hair, and wisecracks for each other when we're sick.
Home is where we can best make fun of each other because we know each other so completely.
Home is where we don't need to finish sentences to communicate.
Home is where the heart is, they say--
So my home isn't a place. L-town, ehh. Springtown, ehh.
My home is Caitlin, Ashley, Lindsey, Latesa, Bethany. I don't know what that means for May...I mean, hell, I don't really know what it means for now. Because I can't have you all at the same time!! <3