side ponytaaaail

Sonnet to the side ponytail.
by mememarie.

When you first think about side ponytails,
the image might not be so flattering.
With perms and leggings, see, it fails
to show its full potential, shuddering.
The little girls who rocked it in our youth
are growing up and claiming our old trend.
Sans scrunchie, god, but still, to tell the truth,
we love it just as much as we did then.
Paired with a suit it really can look nice--
side ponytails are fun and flirty, too.
Please realize with me that it will suffice
at home, at work, at play, when out, please do!
I must confess, though, when it's seen on me,
I'm in it for the kitsch and irony.

11 days

...and I am doing splendidly, after some facebook-stalking that I expected would be upsetting! haha. (Although, to be honest, that's probably due more to one detail in the stalking than the stalking in general...)

Bored bored bored. Not having anything to do during the day sucks balls. I can only read or watch bad tv for so long.

L-town next week. It'll be good to see everyone. But I don't expect my daytimes will be much more stimulating than they are at the moment...

*shrug.*

This was my problem for a lot of last summer; just nothing to do (during the day). Which just makes for a cycle of lethargy and laziness. Back to school in a week and a half! :)

so he said, would it be all right if we just sat and talked for a little while,
if in exchange for your time, i give you this smile?
and she said, that's okay, as long as you can make a promise not to break my little heart
and leave me all alone in the summer

countdown

(I set this deadline for myself a couple weeks ago, but haven't written it down anywhere until now; maybe this'll keep me honest, heh.)

So I have 18 days left to purge myself of a lot of bitterness.

What happened to me wasn't that bad. It's not anyone's fault* that it occurred on the tail end of a major depressive episode [and probably prolonged it]. I don't have the right to be so bitter toward a person when it was my own brain-chemical imbalances that were causing the bulk of the pain.

But, hooray! 18 days until I can listen to the hush sound, to panic at the disco, to MY FAVORITE MUSIC, without longing for what never could have been. 18 days until remembering the best experience of my high school years (MSA) doesn't make me cranky. 18 days until Batman Whatever-the-Joker-movie-is-called doesn't piss me off. 18 days until I no longer just kind of glare whenever I hear the name "West Plains."

18 days until I can read the chunk asterisked above without a bunch of bitter, snide remarks running through my head...

The whole "trusting men ever again" thing will take longer, because that wasn't his sole doing. But maybe this is a step down that road? I mean, not that that's even a road I WANT to go down, ever, necessarily...

Memory

and he said, would it be all right if we just sat and talked for a little while, if in exchange for your time i give you this smile?

Things I never remember:
the majority of the spring 2008 semester
my June visit to Kirksville last year
volunteering at Love INC last summer
volunteering at Rainbow Network in...spring 07?
MSA
how I ditched my friends for the latter chunk of last summer
the aftermath of the party in April
how much better puppy love feels than cynical lust

and she said, that's okay, as long as you can make a promise not to break my little heart, and leave me all alone in the summer

i don't get marriage.

what's so special about a relationship that happens to involve sex that two people get to commit to love each other for the rest of their lives? why is it okay for friendships to slowly fade across distance but it's the end of the world when it's romance? what i mean to say is, i care more strongly about my girlfriends than i can EVER really imagine caring about some dumbass guy. why isn't there a way to commit to love each other forever, to perform the necessary maintenance on the relationship, to be heartbroken when we're apart...? i mean, yeah, it's a lot more logistically difficult when you think of more than just two people, obviously five people have to go their separate ways i guess, but...idk. i'd rather be married to caitlin lindsey ashley latesa, in the sense of commitment and love and putting effort into the relationships and cohabitation, and just use guys for physical needs without getting emotionally attached.

ice ice baby

Umm, it's been icing for five hours...but at least classes for tomorrow have been cancelled already! Sleep in...read...work on not-ignoring-my-honors-project...you know.

Turns out Teach For America's not for me after all. Which is just as well, I was not looking forward to dealing with the improper capitalization for two years. The only problem is, that sounded so perfect, I am absolutely clueless as to my next step... :(

Please, please, please, please, pleeeeease can the power not go out? kthxbai

Good things:
-no class tomorrow
-talking to C
-C's exciting interviewing!
-Reeses' brownies
-making music with A and L...haha
-Aerie Sunday/Monday
-not having any drama myself to contribute to aerie chats :)

11:11, make a wish

Classes start tomorrow. Should work wonders for resetting my internal clock, and for my persistent listlessness, and...yeah, those are the only pluses I've got. I have been quite bored for the last month or so--nothing personal, like, intellectually bored. It's no secret that I'm most satisfied when I have fifty thousand different things to do. But, ugh, I fear this semester is going to be more difficult than I could dream of...

And I have been doing a LOT better since New Year's about not keeping my mind on the past. Overall. I've had just one slip of note.
Oh, those resolutions, though...yeah they're broken.

I'm not in classes full of friends (which is to say, religion classes). I really do not expect to know most of my classmates. Maybe I'll meet new people, make new friends. (Suzy Antisocial? Ha. But, hey, it could happen!) Speaking of Suzy Antisocial, there is a rumor that Miss Meme is a "siren" which I would like to debunk. "Siren" is all about being, like, sexy and charismatic and just a magnetic personality. I'm pretty sure that if I had a magnetic personality I would have more friends than I could count on one hand. I'm not complaining, I adore my friends, just...not the rest of the world, really. :) It is true that I have a ton of fairly newfound confidence in myself and my body but that's all there is to it.

xoxo
gossip girl