bob lawblaw

I'm pretty sure time is cyclical. The coincidences aren't coincidences; they're just history repeating itself. It's not even that I make the same mistakes, not even that things end up the same way, it's just...

If you catch me off guard, sometimes I don't know what season it is, let alone month or year.

I swear the nineties weren't that long ago. I mean, "1999" sounds fairly recent to me. But it's not. At all. I was twelve. God. Throughout my teenagerdom I regarded twelve, for some arbitrary reason, as the time I started thinking like an adult. That my consciousness was really "me." Maybe because I don't remember much before then? Maybe because I had no friends before then? Maybe because that's when sex ed was? haha.

Obviously my thinking and my experience is altogether different after a decade.

Time just seems so relative. Things that happened 36 hours ago barely remain in my consciousness, while I'm all, "holy shit, my student was born in 2003 and is six years old, no way, 2003 was way too recent for that." A guy from a year and a half ago is on my mind way more than any of the guys since then. Harry Potter still seems novel, while Star Wars feels like ancient history.

lol.

I know this doesn't make sense.

And then I wonder how something as permanent as marriage could even be in the cards for me at all? Because I have pretty successfully severed feelings and commitment from just plain lust. I don't know how to turn that back on. and right now I don't WANT to. Yet while out in public recently, I saw a cute little family and was hit with a wave of "oh my god I want a husband and kids NOW," hahaha.

Meanwhile it all repeats, repeats, repeats.

The same comments, the same compliments, the same awkwardness, it's all the same...

For a novelty, though, at this very moment my pet rat is stuck in my trash can!

2009

If I could describe 2009 in one year, it would be "serendipitous."

Belated Thanksgiving

Last year I was so emo and stressed out around Thanksgiving-time. I was all, "bluh bluh bluh, I have nothing to be thankful for beyond the bourgeouise basics." (sp??) But this year...man. I'm so thankful that I have found what I want to do with my life. It makes such a difference in my entire outlook on life.

Sleep

So, I've always slept on my stomach, but since a week or so ago, I've realized that I now sleep on my stomach without a pillow; that is, with my head flat on the bed. I have to push the pillow out of my way before I can fall asleep.

Wtf?

An anecdote or two

So I broke the alarm system at school yesterday. I was up there working for a few hours, the only person around, and when I left I set the alarm and locked up. However, since I had never done it before, I stuck around to make sure everything went smoothly...and a good thing I did, because about a minute after I'd left, the alarm started going off. Wtf??? I went back in and disarmed it; repeated the entire process; and then the alarm wouldn't reset to the whole "ready to arm" thing, no matter how many times I opened and closed the front door. uhh. I called Chris (the teacher in charge of our building, who's been sending me inappropriate texts all weekend, lol) and she was like, "huh. Well, make sure you lock up..." and she was gonna send someone to go check it out (lol so don't try to break into the building ;) ). Wtf did I do that set off the alarm after I'd left?? I am so confused. ...And I'm thinking I'll probably avoid being at school alone for a while, so I don't have to deal with it again.

I visited my darling Caitlin over the weekend! I had a blast. From hookahs to hipsters, hobos to highway-crossings, rats to Rag-o-rama, with a dash of plans-to-run-off-to-Vegas-to-elope thrown in, it was a delightfully strange adventure. :)

Note to self:

Because long-distance whatever is rough enough in the first place, please DO NOT try to START something long-distance. Sweetie, you've tried it before, even. Learn a freakin' lesson!

"remember, remember..."

I am snuggling in warm sweats fresh out of the dryer. I am spending the weekend with Caitlin in St. Louis! And then I have a week of break! And then, after that break, I will be a TEACHER!

Life is good. :)