august ftw

What day is it? last forty minutes of the sixth. three days. I thought I was going to be fine, fine, fine, but then last night as I lay awake shivering I couldn't stop the flashbacks. I wish...I don't wish for that, that never would have worked, but I wish for the hope and optimism and puppy love and trust that I had then? Because all that was lovely.

and what it all comes down to
is that everything's gonna be fine, fine, fine

My baby girl turns nine tomorrow. She's one of my best friends...yet I've talked to her maybe three times since last summer. She knew EVERYTHING G-rated about my life, and a decent amount of the PG-rated, haha. Nine. Third grade. I remember her as the shy three-year-old; the defiant four-year-old; the lazy five-year-old; the curious six-year-old; the sassy seven-year-old...God, she's growing up. I realized that I love kids because of her; I'd never babysat prior to her, and thought I didn't like kids. I learned how to deal with kids on her (ie, boundaries, boundaries, boundaries!). I had the joy of helping someone develop a love for reading. I experienced the bewilderment of her grieving for some obscure relative she'd never known. I basically got to practice being a mother, heh. Beyond that, we had battles of wills, we cuddled and napped together, we argued over who loved Zac Efron more, we had lazy days of watching cartoons and eating junk food, we went on all sorts of adventures throughout the city, we teased each other about boys.




Happy birthday, Squirt. You growing up may make me cheesily reflective, but more importantly, it gives you that much more opportunity to kick a lot of ass. Love you forever.

oh it is my birthday

Token reflection-y post. So. 21 was officially my year of CRAZINESS. How now, 22?

Last year I rang in my birthday for a week (most of which with Caitlin!), starting with seeing Wicked, a show I didn't even really like at that point, on the 24th, and concluding with passing out at a concert and ruining everyone's night on June 1. With plenty of best friends, boys, and booze in between. Actually not so much plenty of boys, just too much focus on one who didn't deserve it.

Birthday week last year included:
learning to ride a bike
cider and vodka in andrea's basement
metro station
filming a music video (alex eating a beanie baby?)
video games
swinging
the blue skirt all week long
bar-hopping in l-town
discovering the power and light district
the "awkward party" that more than lived up to its name
alcoholic bubble tea
kansas
spooning linz on r's bed
lots of mexican food but only one margarita (it was banana!)
a day to myself to catch up a little while my friends were at a big concert
my third-ever journey to kirksville; the first of four rather monumental visits of the summer
so, so, so much awkwardness
sitting bitch between r and kent
lookin' hott at "skankalicious" birthday party
embarrassing myself at said party
playing with a dog
not sleeping; just sipping water while "thx fr th mmrs" blasted in my head. all night.
early morning on the porch with the bubble machine, and eventually with caitlin.
etc.

birthday festivities this year:
going out saturday night.
i had a tasty beverage this afternoon.
going out for caitlin's birthday friday night.

Birthday 2009 sounds much more manageable, don't you think?

I'm still alive?

So, my birthday's in eight days...? That's kind of sneaked up on me. God, what a year 21 has been.

I've dropped off the face of the planet lately, I realize this and I apologize. I'm getting used to a new lifestyle and just barely keeping my head above the water. I'll be back soon I think.

I love my job. I love my kids...