I never thought my willpower would last this whole time. I figured I'd cave at some point and eff everything up all over again--but feel so good (SO good) for those fleeting moments!
I mean, it's good that that didn't happen, because then I'd never EVER get over it...
I feel like I need a reward of some sort, lol. Because I honestly just always kinda figured that it would happen again sometime. And despite me even almost-trying over Thanksgiving, I've been quite well-behaved. Not self-destructive on any real level, beyond wallowing in drama from time to time, lol. And the natural consequences of being responsible are SO BORING lol.
I wish the wrong decision could've been right. It just would've made things so much EASIER.
But, I mean, I guess there's something better "out there." small consolation.
you gave me roses, and i left them there to die
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