Dead

I don't have the time to go through and clean up (i.e. freely delete) old posts right now.  But this blog is officially dead.  "You can go about your business...move along..."  I appreciate you not sticking around and perusing my old drama :\

I was trying so hard not to sink into this

Socialized with my new job tonight.  It was a blast.  I left feeling energized, strong, secure.

Then I came home and facebook, on some freak algorithm, showed me a thumbnail to S' profile.  It's a new picture, thank God only of him, but this time his amazing smile's not for me.

And now I'm absolutely falling apart.

So far as I've braced myself I hadn't really been thinking about him specifically.

I thought he was everything.

He's certainly all I know for summer.

And everything he did was only for me.

And what do I have to show for it?

I've dated a couple idiots who've made me feel completely, completely worthless.

And he apparently has something worth keeping around for months longer than he and I ever made it.

why?

Lies (or at least no longer true)

So I opened the Sticky Notes program on my computer to save my cousin's Army address. I guess I hadn't opened Sticky Notes in months and months. Among what I had forgotten I'd saved in there:

"And I wish I could make up to you the times in which I wasn't able to talk with you, able to be next to you. I miss your touch, your beautiful voice, and just your presence around me."

"YES! Jeez, every time I think about you I can't wait to be next to you, close to you, hold you close."

sigh...